These Moments

You hover in the threshold of our little room today. It’s bright, the sun streaming in, the colors vibrant, everything looks fine. But it doesn’t feel fine. You step inside, and can’t help but feel the spider walk of nerves over the back of your neck. As you move further in you catch the dark, warm aroma of coffee in the air. Something that usually brings you comfort, but you feel watched. So you rush ahead, seeking the safety of the window seat with its pillows and blankets. The bay window looks out on a sidewalk where people pass by, hardly noticing you as you settle onto the cushions. The Book awaits, eager to get this one out. Eager to be rid of it.

Shelby’s face was turned to the window, her eyes soft. And Mick was sure she wasn’t seeing anything but the scroll of her own thoughts. Her hair was loose, tumbling in chestnut waves over her slender shoulders and back. He liked her natural hair, but brown was a lot better than the neon pink had been. She took a deep breath and her head tilted just a little.

Mick smiled. He loved catching her in these moments when she thought no one was watching. When she forgot that she wanted to impress everyone. He loved it when her face wasn’t twisted with an artificial smile. When she didn’t stand straight backed, her warm chocolate eyes begging for conversation with anyone that happened by. He tried not to be jealous, but he didn’t understand her need to be loved by strangers. It was off putting.

Of course, in this moment, with the unforgiving noon sun laying across her cheek, the three tiered droop to her eyelid was hard to miss. So was the makeup settled into the lines around her lips and the way the skin on her neck hung just a bit loose. And why hadn’t she taken care of those silver hairs growing in at her temples? 

He squinted and puckered his lips. Did he still love her? Did he want her as much as he had in the beginning? Fifteen years was a long time. They’d both been different people back then. Vibrant, laughing, it was easier to talk when it was all new.

But as he watched, she lifted a hand to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear, and his heart fluttered. Of course he still loved her. Things might be harder now. Things might have become less exciting, more worn and mundane. More routine. But he still loved her. 

And really, who else would he want? Tracy was gone. Alexis moved away with her parents before things had had a chance to get serious. Andrea, shit! He snorted. Andrea had ended badly. So had his affairs with Laurie and Priscilla. The way they screamed at him in the end still brought a twinge of guilt. He hadn’t known they would be so desperate to stay with him. 

Shelby was his only constant. And she loved him. He saw it in her eyes, the way her voice shook when she spoke to him. Even after all these years, she still strove to catch his attention. Still did the little things that drove him wild.

Suddenly her attention sharpened. Her posture stiffened and she looked down at her phone.

She pushed herself up off the cushions smiling at the woman sitting at the other end of the stiff couch. Shelby put her unread book on the table where magazines and books sat for anyone who wanted to distract themselves while they drank their coffee. When she ran her hands over her apron to smooth it into place, Mick smirked and looked down. He’d caught the way she ran her fingers over the sides of her breasts, it was subtle, but he’d seen. These were the moments she wanted him to notice. Small things. Meant just for Mick.

“Shit,” she muttered. “My break went long.”

Mick rolled his eyes. He’d spoken to her about her language. Such ugly words shouldn’t come from such a beautiful girl. It was off putting and she knew it. But, of course, she did this for his attention too. Negative or positive she was always trying to catch his eye. As if she had to work at it. As if she wasn’t the only thing he saw. 

He smiled at her as she walked by, dropped a little wink to show he knew, to show that he was paying attention.

Always.